Who should decide about teaching children about pornography?

One education consultant in Lincolnshire uses the same sex education presentation for 4 year-olds as she uses for 11 year-olds.

Raising the question of whether parents should be allowing schools to make the decision that our children are ready for education in matters such as online pornography…

In the county just next door to mine, children as young as four are being taught sex education.

Do I have an issue with that?

To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. As a mother of a 2 year-old boy and a 6 year-old girl I know I’m qualified to have an opinion and it has certainly got me thinking about how I would feel if my children came home from school to tell me their lessons had included discussions on online pornography.

Sex education, knowledge and understanding for children is vital – I don’t think there are many parents out there that would disagree with me.

And thanks to the internet and social media, we live in a world where the risks presented to children are far greater than ever before, and children are consequently extremely vulnerable to all sorts of terrible things.

Education is certainly key to protecting them, in helping them to form healthy relationships and in raising a generation that thinks differently and can change society in the future… but at what age does teaching sex education negate the benefits and just become too much knowledge at too young an age, increasing the actual risks children may face?

Earlier this year, OFSTED reported that insufficient quality age appropriate sex and relationships education is increasing children’s vulnerability to sexual exploitation and inappropriate sexual behaviour.

Lynette Smith is a sex education teacher commissioned to train teachers in the subject in North Lincolnshire and East Yorkshire, and Castledyke Primary School in Barton, in Lincolnshire, has adopted her robust approach to building children’s resilience to any explicit material they may stumble across online. The school’s head teacher Rosie Pugh, firmly believes education needs to start at a young age.

Lynette Smith uses hand-drawn illustrations and a cheery disposition to ask children for a ‘thumbs up’ or a ‘thumbs down’ to different scenarios – and she uses the same presentation for children aged 4 as she does for children aged 11.

Take, for example, ‘What kind of photographs are OK?’

At Castledyke Primary School smiling at the camera with all your clothes on got a ‘thumbs up’; showing your bottom to the camera a ‘thumbs down’.

Now, I’d be happy with this kind of education for my 6 year-old. It’s talking about genuine risks that she may encounter and informing her that being asked to do this kind of behaviour is not acceptable.

Another card depicts an older boy apparently showing a younger child an unsuitable image he has downloaded on to a smartphone. And another depicts the view from behind a sofa where two adults are watching a porn film.

Is my child ready to learn about sex? For my child, at six, I’d say ‘no’. It opens up so many questions that I’m not entirely sure she is ready to face or able to understand.

We’ve vaguely discussed where babies come from when I was pregnant with her younger brother. She was nearly four at the time. We didn’t lie, but switched the conversation to science and how children grow from love and cells. This worked for us, but so many people will answer this question very differently.

That’s really my point: parents should be the one to decide when a child is ready for this kind of conversation and how best to adapt it to them. We know our children best and we know how best to angle a topic to their level of knowledge and understanding.

What concerns me is that the use of these cards with children as young as four, would result in one too many questions, both at school and at home.

But then can there ever be ‘one too many questions?’

That’s a difficult one.

These lessons are ultimately about pornography and how the issues connected to it can increase your child’s vulnerability.

I feel strongly that the risk of children being vulnerable to child abuse has increased to the point where we need to ensure our children are as protected as possible, but I have an issue with their ‘lost innocence’. Children aren’t children for very long and don’t we have a duty to also protect their innocence?

At four, just going in to school is a massive leap for children. Many have left ‘mummy’s side’ for a prolonged period, for the first time. They have to learn to follow routine and structure and learn to listen, concentrate and be independent. Big challenges for young children.

Are they really ready to also confront such issues and scenarios as those presented on the sex education cards Lynette Smith uses? Should they really be faced with the same hand-drawn cards and scenarios that 10 and 11 years-olds are taught with? As one teaching union is reported as saying: ‘innocence is precious’.

I remember when I was 9 hearing on the news about the Cleveland child sex abuse cases and asking my parents lots of questions about what had happened to the victims.

I also remember having many, many sleepless nights and anxious days as a result of what I learned – and my parents didn’t even go into significant detail or show me any images.

Russell Hobby, the general secretary of the National Association of Head Teachers (NAHT)said recently: “You don’t want to start [sex education] too young”.

There are other methods and parents do have to take some responsibility.

Or perhaps it is the parents who are naive.

Perhaps it is their education that needs to be addressed.

Perhaps showing parents the class conducted by Lynette Smith, or something similar, when children first start school would be a good start to ensuring parents are aware of the dangers their children face today, and allow them the opportunity of broaching the topics with their children in a manner they consider appropriate.

The NSPCC for example, has the Underwear Rule campaign. It’s a campaign aimed at parents and carers to enable them have simple conversations with their children to help keep them safe from child abuse.

I have had this conversation with my daughter. The situation arose where it felt necessary to do so. But I was with her, she wasn’t at school, so it was my judgement as her mother that she was ready and able to understand. It felt like the perfect time to use the ‘let’s talk pants‘ conversation.

In September 2013 David Cameron is reported as having said: ‘Children can be warned about the dangers of on-line pornography without an overhaul of sex education.’ For once, I think I’m inclined to agree with him.

It’s about balance. It’s about schools and parents working together to educate our children about what a healthy relationship is. It’s about schools and parents working together to protect our children and to reduce the risks they face.